Oh Calphalon, My Calphalon

Wherefore art my beloved pan?

Sleeping soundly in my kitchen

In the dark cabinet it’s hidden

Hiding from the light of day

It is safely tucked away

Waiting just to see the light

And satiate my appetite

What fine feast will be up next

Perhaps the tuna it likes best?

  

Take me out you silly girl

Trash the fried food lest I hurl

Why go into the light of day

Forced to chased the bugs away

When you have me to grill you right

Satiate that lusty appetite

All you need is some meat

To whip up a tasty treat

Or some veggies from the market

Will complete your evening banquet

  

You save me from mosquito bites

When favoring some lite delights

Alas there is some use for man

To flip and baste while I do tan

Prepare for you something I will

As long as your masculine duties fulfilled

My skills were honed on the island

Where the grill was fully manned

But now an army I have none

And so the battle’s to be won

  

Yes I’ve seen you try to ignite

That flame which burns in you so bright

But fire lady… stay away

You’ve yet to see another day

Stick with me I’ll treat you well

Soon you’ll hear that dinner bell

Ring with opportunity

Here to feed you so hungry

And for the night now you are free

To try a dessert recipe

  

Square or round we care not

This grill pan will not be forgot

For forever we will be
Cooking in perfect harmony

To bring these recipes to you

Dear reader something fresh and new

Winter spring or chilly fall

The weather no need mind at all

For you now can feel the thrill

Charred nothings from your Calphalon grill!

 

Now, before my friends disown me from humiliation, an explanation.  The first few weeks of trialing the birthday grill pan left me in awe.  What’s an awestruck girl to do but write some sort of tribute to the object of her fascination – an ode!  Then, upon further investigation, I learned that an ode is actually a quite formal poem harnessed by very strict guidelines.  Feeling slightly deflated and like ten plus years of English were wasted on me, I began my research. 

 

To my delight, it turns out that modern day odes have trended towards sarcasm laced parodies of mundane objects.  Pablo Neruda’s Ode to My Suit is a good example; I, not owning one suit I would leave the house in, find this to be very mundane.  Surely he would say the same thing about my grill pan.  Note that I found that ode on a blog providing tips for attorneys and financial advisors; it’s a dismal existence I know.  But, like Pablo, I found something more in my subject and thus I decided the ode must go on!  If it’s 3 stanzas, 10 lines each, strope, antistrope, and epode you must have then you shall have it!  And you shall have it times two!  Just don’t ask me for iambic pentameter… 

 

And here, in no particular order, are some easy recipes for you to try.  They make very quick & easy dinners for one until you find someone to man grill…

 

Dilled Up Salmon

  

There’s something very delicious about the unlikely combination of salmon, dill and mayonnaise that just works.  When you try this and learn that I”m right, I recommend you also try my salmon &  asparagus pasta salad creation.  For the sauce, combine 1/4 cup mayonnaise, 1/4 cup sour cream, 2 T lemon juice, 1 T dijon mustard, and 1 T dill in a bowl.  Add salt & pepper to taste.  Baste the salmon in half of the sauce and reserve the rest to use as a dip on the side.  Grill for 3-4 minutes on each side or until desired texture. 

 

NOTE:  If you have a fear of mayonnaise, as many of my friends do, you can use all Greek yogurt or sour cream.

 

Salsa-fied Grilled Goodness

 

The grilling part is easy, but what keeps it interesting is adding something new to spice up your basic meats.  So next on the menu we have grilled tilapia topped with the salsa (or salZa as I apparently pronounce it) of your choice.  I simply rubbed the fish (& pan) down with olive oil, seasoned salt, chili pepper, and taco seasoning.  Heat your grill on high and cook on each side for 2-3 minutes and top with the salZa of your choice!

 

Grilling Like an Italiano

 

Yet another simple, but delicious thing to grill is chicken.  No this will not classify as Best Chicken Ever, a recipe to be revealed at a later date, but it’s pretty freaking good.  Slice chicken breasts in half to form two thin breasts, think B cup versus C cup.  Place new thin (and improved) breasts between two sheets of wax paper and pound until even thinner (A cup!) using a mallet or whatever flat hard paraphernalia you have lying around.  This is going to help tenderize your chicken and reduce cooking time all in one step!  Once pounded, rub the chicken with olive oil, salt, pepper, and whatever Italian seasonings you have around.  I generally use garlic salt, oregano, and pepper.  Now you’re ready for the grill!  Rub the pan down with olive oil and heat over high.  Grill chicken for 4-5 minutes on both sides until cooked through.  Top with caponata and mangia! 

 

 

Tuna of the Sea

 

I think I heart tuna steaks more than the real deal!  Tuna is a hearty fish that can be prepped in many of the same ways as regular steak.  It should also be eaten like a regular steak in that it should NOT be cooked to death!  Channel Bistecca Fiorentina; the Italians would throw you in prison for overcooking their precious meat.  In fact, I once had them refuse to serve one well done to a friend who prefers her meat umm…black.  Anyway, just don’t do it.  You’ll end up with a dry tough dinner that you can later shred, can, and pass for Chicken of the Sea. 

 

You can marinate in any of the aforementioned basics or go for an Asian twist and rub the tuna with sesame oil, soy sauce, and sesame seeds.   I sliced the squash into rounds and tossed in one of my favorite marinades by the Ginger People which you could also use on the tuna if so desired.  For the zucchini, I do like to grill them to death.  Rub down the pan with some vegetable oil lay them out flat on the pan cooking on each side for at least 5 minutes until you get the pretty little charred diagonal lines.  Next, sear the tuna for 2-3 minutes on each side.  Keep it pink in the middle!  Note that as much as I emphasize the joy of raw tuna, you only want to do this if it’s fresh and high grade.  Go ahead and splurge on the $10 stuff at good ol’ Whole Paycheck… 

 

Fancy Pants Shrimp Stack

 

We’ve all been to the fancy restaurants where your plate is piled high to the sky, yet leaves your stomach almost as empty as your bank account.  Let’s face it, we’re not the only thing that looks better stacked tall and statuesque.  Here’s a simple recipe that will help maintain your billowy figure without breaking the bank or the belt. 

 

For two, toss the shrimp (sans shells) in about a tablespoon of olive oil, salt, and pepper.  Grill for about 2 minutes on each side or until pretty and pink.  Stack on top of Katy’s spinach (I added grilled onions and sun-dried tomatoes) and garnish with a dollop of hummus (Sabra is my fav)!